After I came to learn that Uruha would be leaving, time seemed to be moving at an odd pace. Sometimes the hours just flew by and other times they seemed to creep by almost painfully slow. The day after Mrs. Itokawa came by was mostly spent in silence. Uruha and I didn’t exchange many words; we seemed to be shrouded in a veil of silence. My parents, however, didn’t seem capable of shutting their mouths. They kept asking Uruha if there was anything he needed to do before leaving, if he wanted to go back to his house and get anything, if he wanted to talk to his dad and so on. He answered no to everything. I, myself, tried to act normal, but I just didn’t seem to be able to. The knowledge of Uruha’s departure hung over me like a dark cloud and I just couldn’t seem able to act as my usual self. Uruha seemed to be lost in his own thoughts most of the time, though I guess I can’t blame him. I know this can’t be easy for him.

-

 

 

I feel like shit from the moment I wake up, and the fact that the first thing I see when I pry my eyelids apart is the bright blue sky outside does not make me feel any better. In my opinion there should be a horrible storm outside or something like that. I am not happy and I must admit I’m quite sure I’ll ever experience that particular sensation ever again.

 

I heave a sigh as I sit up and turn to look at Uruha. He is still sleeping calmly next to me in bed. How I wish he could just stay here and not leave.
I sit staring at his beautiful face for ages, I wouldn’t mind just sitting here staring forever. I jump slightly when he stirs suddenly and blinks a few times trying to wake himself up.

“Reita?”

“…Morning.”

“Hi.”

An awkward silence arises between us and for a little while we just sit there staring at nothing in particular.

“So… is there anything you’d like to do today? Seeing as it’s your last day and everything.” My voice comes out sounding kind of choked but I’m grateful it isn’t shaking like I thought it would.
“No… or, um I don’t know.”
“You don’t want to see anything for the last time or… I don’t know, say good bye to anyone?”
“I just want to enjoy my last day with you, besides there isn’t anyone or anything here that I’ll miss after leaving.”

“Ok.”
Once more we fall into silence. I shift uncomfortably and glance over at the door. I hate days like this. It always turns out really awkward when someone’s leaving. You never know what to say or do. You just act overly cautious around each other and it always makes me really uncomfortable. No matter how close you are, it always ends up like that.

We sit quietly on the bed for what feels like ages, until I finally get up. We can’t just sit here all day. I grab some clean clothes and head for the bathroom.

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

When Reita exits the room I can’t help but let out a reviled breath I didn’t know I was holding. Everything just feels so weird today, so weird and uncomfortable.

I look down at my fingers, but I don’t really see them, resting there in my lap. My thoughts start to wander and I feel myself getting lost in the depths of my own mind. I’m so confused. I have no idea how I should feel. I’m leaving today. I’m really leaving. It’s over and I almost can’t believe it. Am I nervous? Am I sad? Am I scared? I don’t know! But do I know I’m going to miss Reita. I’m going to miss him a lot. But no matter how much he means to me, no matter how much I love him; I just can’t stay here. I can’t and I wouldn’t even if I could.

I am suddenly pulled from my thoughts when Reita re-enters the bedroom, now fully clothed. He smiles at me and I try tor return the gesture, but I think it turns out rather fake looking. We don’t exchange any words for another minute or so until Reita turns to look at me questioningly.
“Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

“Oh, yeah right!” I scramble out of bed, fetch my clothes and head for the bathroom.

 

Later when we’re both fully dressed and ready, we make our way downstairs and into the kitchen to get some breakfast.

It feels strange going about our usual morning busyness knowing that I’m doing everything for the last time. It’s almost surreal, almost like someone else is doing it, and I’m just floating above it all watching.

 

Reita’s parents both ask me whether or not I feel alright, if there is anything I need and if there is any last minute details I have forgotten to take care of. I hope the foster family I’m going to is as nice as Reita’s family is. The days I’ve spent here have been some of the best days of my life.

 

When we’re done eating, Reita and I decide to take one last walk around together. I know I said I wouldn’t miss living here, but this town has after all been my home for the last sixteen years.

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

As the wooden door closes behind us and the fresh morning wind blows my hair from my face I suddenly feel so much lighter. I suddenly feel so much better, like a little part of the sorrow weighing down on my heart suddenly is lifted. I start walking, inhaling deeply, letting my lungs fill with cool air. Together Uruha and I make our way down my street.

 

We walk in silence for a while. I have no idea what to say and I suspect that Uruha doesn’t either. It’s hard for me to find the right words seeing as I can’t even sort out my own feelings. Besides, what good will it do if I start whining about not wanting him to go. He knows that already, so until I can think of something encouraging to say I’ll just keep my mouth shut.

 

For some reason our steps seem to be leading us towards the park in which we kissed for the first time. I remember that day well. The rain, Uruha’s tears, and the feeling running through me, warming my heart. I remember how soft and sweet his lips felt the first time they touched mine. I look over at Uruha and a little smile finds its way onto my lips. He’s such a beautiful person, both on the inside and the outside.

“Is there something wrong Reita?”
“Huh?”

“You look kind of funny…”
“Oh um, sorry. I was just thinking.”
“’Bout what?”

“About you.”

“Oh really?” Uruha flashes me a cheeky smile.

“Yes, really.” I smirk back at him.

“Idiot.” He giggles and unceremoniously pushes me away.

“What? I’m a young man, I’ve got urges!” I laugh as I play along. I’m just happy to see him smiling, that’s all.

“Man?” Uruha’s laugh turns into a yelp as I leap on him and he crashes down onto the grass with me on top.

“Yes, a man!” I laugh.

“A very heavy man in that case.”

“Yes, it’s called muscle. You might want to think about getting some.”

“Hey, I have muscles!”

“Oh yeah? Where?” I start poking him wherever I can reach, which makes him laugh and try to squirm away form my prying hands. However, seeing as I’m sitting on top of him, he is pretty much trapped. After a while I start feeling a little bad for him though, so I roll off and lay down on the grass beside him. It takes Uruha some time to catch his breath, so I just stay quite next to him waiting for him to be able to talk again. Once he seems pretty much back to normal I turn on my side and prop myself up on my elbow, so that I’m looking down into his face.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see your dad?” His smile disappears as soon as he hears my words.

“…Yes.”

“You hesitated.” I feel a little mean for pushing this, but I just don’t want him to leave with any regrets.

“Yes, well… I don’t know, okay?” Uruha’s voice sounds kind of annoyed.

“Sorry…”

“It’s okay, I get why you’re asking. It’s just that I’m really confused, because I hate him, I know I do. But at the same time I feel like I should see him and maybe even talk to him. Urgh, I don’t know what to do…” Uruha’s gaze locks with mine and I can see the confusion present in his voice, mirrored in his eyes.

“Maybe, we could just go to your street. You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to. Maybe you shouldn’t. But at least you get to see everything for the last time, to get some closure, you know.”

“Yeah…” He sounds hesitant though.

“It’s your choice, we don’t have to.”
“Hm, okay, fine. Let’s go.”

 

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

We round the corner to my street, about half an hour later. My mind is flooded with memories as I take in my surroundings. Now that I know this will most probably be the last time I will ever set eyes on this place, old memories start to stir in the back of my mind. As my eyes fall on a little house further down the street, my former home, I can’t help but stop in my tracks. I am sure if I should proceed. I can feel the hatred I have for this place boil up inside me again. I am so focused on this that I completely forget about Reita’s presence, so why I’m scared half out of my mind when he grasps my hand in his.

“You want to go closer?”
“No… I think this will do.” I answer, my voice coming out much weaker than I had expected it to. Reita only gives me an understanding smile.

“You’ve never been to my house before, have you Reita?” I suddenly ask.

“No, I haven’t.”
“Well, it’s the one over there,” I say pointing idly down the street,” the one with the tree in the garden.”

“Looks nice.”

“Yeah, I guess…” I say. We stand there, hand in hand, staring at the house with the tree in the garden, Reita with fascination, me with disdain. It is warmer outside now than it had first been when we left Reita’s house. However, the wind is still blowing making me shiver slightly in my thin clothes.

“Hey, you cold?”

“It’s just the wind.” Still, I feel Reita’s arm snaking around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him.

“We’ll keep each other warm.” He smiles. I look up into those loving brown eyes and I suddenly feel so immensely sad, but also at the same time loved. Turning my head, I give Reita a small smile in return before capturing his lips with my own. The kiss doesn’t last all that long, but it fills me with warmth and as we break apart I lean into Reita and sigh contently.

“I think I want to go now.”

“Okay,” is all he answers before turning and leading me back around the corner of the street, and I turn my back on the past.

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

When we arrive back home, my mom greets us from the kitchen, but my dad and brother seems to be out. Uruha and I, head straight upstairs to my room. I plop straight down on the bed and Uruha soon joins me.

 

Silence seems to engulf us as so many times already today. However, this is not an awkward silence. This silence is lined with something else, something that makes me want to gasp for air. It feels like my throat is closing up and when I try to speak my voice comes out sounding weak and slightly broken, it sounds almost unrecognisable to me.

“I-I’m going to miss you…” 

Uruha’s head turns as his eyes lock with my own. He doesn’t say anything; there is only a small, sad smile playing on his lips. However, I suddenly feel a cold hand coming to rest on top of my own and the small gesture is somewhat of a comfort.

 

Uruha doesn’t say anything, and we just end up sitting side by side, staring out the window at nothing in particular. The now soft, almost yellow light, coming from outside makes long shadows appear within my room. Uruha is still clutching my hand. In a way the gesture gives comfort, in another it makes me want to cry.

 

Uruha sighs softly, almost inaudibly, and suddenly I feel his head coming to rest on my shoulder. With a slight turn of my head I look down at the soft black hair. With a slightly shaky breath, I too sigh before planting a kiss there, on top of his head. I close my eyes, shutting everything out. I can feel tears pressing on the corners of my eyes, but I don’t want to cry. Soon, however, the first drop escapes and starts running down my cheek. And so it seems the dams break and they all escape, now running freely down my face. I try to wipe them off forcefully with my free hand. This gets Uruha’s attention, though, and he pulls back, looking at me with surprised eyes. However, his gaze turns sad as it meets my own. 


 

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

I see the tears glistening in his eyes. I never thought I’d see Reita cry. It’s breaking my heart to know that I am the one who caused him this pain, that I am the one who made him cry.

I shift a little closer and lift my hand shakily trying wipe away some of his tears.
“I’m sorry Reita.”
“Can’t you stay? Please, Uruha?”

I don’t know what to say. We’ve already talked about this; Reita knows that I want to leave. He knows that I just can’t stay here. I need to get away, I need to start over. I move my head slightly to look up and meet his pleading and teary eyes.
“Reita–“
“–I know.” He sighs, while bringing his hand up to wipe away the last of his tears.

“Please come back sometime?”
“I promise.” Now I feel tears welling up in my own eyes. I really, really don’t want to lose Reita, but this is just the way it has to be.

Taking me completely by surprise, Reita suddenly reaches around me and pulls me close, pressing our bodies together in a desperate hug.

“I’ll miss you so much.”
“I love you.” I manage to whisper in his ear. I can feel him smiling as he tightens his hold on me even more.

“I love you too.”
Hearing Reita say those words both warms my heart, but also at the same time breaks it into a thousand pieces. Knowing that I might never hear him saying those words ever again makes my heart heavy with sorrow. We might be young, but to me this relationship is the best thing ever to have happened to me.

 

After awhile I feel Reita letting me go and pulling slightly away. I gaze into his dark orbs and try to smile, but I know it looks forced, and that it’s not really needed. We sit like that for some time just gazing into each others eyes before our lips finally meet in a loving and a sweet kiss. As our lips move softly against each other my thoughts seem to wander.

I know I love Reita, I know I love him with all my heart. But sometimes you just have to make hard choices and sometimes you have to leave people behind and let go.

 

I’m pulled back to reality, however, when I hear Reita heaving a sigh.

“You better finish packing your stuff…” Reita’s voice sounds distant and sad. I nod and turn towards the bag I brought with me when I left home, and start to gather the few belongings I have left scattered around Reita’s bedroom. Reita just sits silently on the bed watching me. I can feel his eyes on my back and the whole situation is just really uncomfortable.

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

I feel numb, empty.

I hadn’t really expected to feel like this. I mean, I knew it would be hard to say good bye, I’ve been hurting ever since we found out Uruha would be leaving, but I didn’t think I would feel like I do right now. No matter how cliché it might sound; letting go is always hard and saying farewell to Uruha is breaking my heart. I know leaving is what’s best for him, and I know he’ll be much happier when he get’s to start over in a new family but I can’t help but wish that he’d stay here instead, even if it might be a very selfish thought.

 

I’ve never been good with farewells. They always turn out really awkward and weird. I honestly don’t want it to turn out like that this time, but I know I’ve already started pulling away and distancing myself from him. I’ve always found it easier to pull away myself instead of having other people pull away from me. If this is the end then I don’t want to be the one holding on and left heartbroken. The problem though, is that I am already the one left behind, am I not? Uruha is heading for a completely new future. He’ll get a new chance. What will I get? I’ll be the one left here wishing he’d come back. I don’t get to change anything, I’m stuck here with the same old people and to be honest I’m kind of dreading being alone. I don’t even know if I have any friends left and I’m not looking forward to finding out.

 

I’m pulled form my thought when Uruha finally stands up and turns to facing me. I guess he’s done packing. I try smiling, but there’s no point. My face won’t cooperate. Hell, what’s the point anyway? We both know there is nothing worth smiling about.

Uruha sits back down on my bed. His eyes are glued to his hands as he slowly twiddles his thumbs. The way he looks now reminds me a lot of how he used to look in school. How he used to look when he was sitting all alone at lunch and the memories make my heart swell.

We sit like that, side by side, in silence for awhile.

“Reita?” Uruha suddenly whispers, finally breaking the pressing silence.
“Yeah?”

We fall back into silence for another couple of minutes and I absently start tapping my foot.

“Reita, do you think everything is going to be okay?”

“How do you mean?”
“I mean, everything. My new ‘family’, my new life, you… us?”

“…Everything is going to be alright, it might not be at first but just wait and you’ll see that everything will turn out just fine.” I think my words had a comforting effect on him because he looks a little relieved. I only wish they would have helped me too. I just can’t help but feel that this really is the end of me and Uruha. There will never be and “us” again, and that scares me. I’m scared, I’m scared of the future. What am I going to do now? I’m actually quite sure Uruha will be okay, but I’m not so sure I will.

 

 

The door bell rings, the piercing sound carrying all the way upstairs where we’re sitting on my bed. For a moment I seem to stop breathing, I hold my breath as the echo of the bell dies down. I don’t let the breath I’m holding go until I feel Uruha shifting next to me. He’s getting up. Suddenly he’s standing in front of me, his bag in hand, and gaze trying to connect with my own.

 

I don’t know what to do though, but I know I can’t stay seated here, and so I move to get up. For a moment we stand there, in silence, so close, but still so far from one another. With a sigh I step past him open the door, motioning for Uruha to follow. As we make our way downstairs I can feel the lump in my throat growing bigger, making it almost hard to breath. When we step into the front hall, the sight of Mrs. Itokawa, my mother and my father greets us. They aren’t talking; they’re just standing there quietly waiting for us. When we finally come to a halt in front of them, a sad smile spreads across Mrs. Itokawa’s face. I can’t help but feel like smacking it right off her face. I know it’s not her fault Uruha’s leaving, but still…

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

“Uruha, are you ready to go?” Her voice flows softly through the quite room.

I cast a glace at Reita standing next to me. He doesn’t look back; he’s busy staring at the dark wooden door behind Mrs. Itokawa.

“Yes,” I answer, my voice surprisingly stronger than I had expected. Mrs. Itokawa nods and smiles again as she turns to Reita’s parents.

“We’ll be leaving now then. It’s been very good of you to look after Uruha. Thank you so much. Good bye.” She says, still smiling, before bowing to them both. They bow back and tell here it was no problem whatsoever, and that they were just glad things seemed to have worked out so well. Mrs. Itokawa then turns towards the door. As she opens it and step out she speaks again.

“Uruha, I’ll be waiting in the car. Please say your good byes and then come join me.” With that said she walks out the door and down the driveway.

 

I turn to Reita’s parents. I have to thank them. If it weren’t for them I might have still been living with my dad or maybe even out on the street.

“Mr. and Mrs. Suzuki, thank you so much for letting me stay here and thank you so much for helping me out.” I bow deeply. When I straighten back up, I see broad smiles on both their faces.

“It was no problem Uruha. You’re a good friend of our son, and you’ve been a pleasure to have around.” Reita’s mom says in a warm voice. His father only smiles and says, “good bye Uruha, and good luck with everything.”

“Thank you,” I say.

Silence falls between the four of us. I’m not sure what to do next. I want to say a proper farewell to Reita, but I can’t do that with his parents around. Though, I needn’t have worried about that. Reita’s mom suddenly grabs his dad by the arm and with a last bow and smile they leave the room, giving us our privacy.

 

~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~

 

I glance over at Uruha. He’s fiddling with his fingers and seems to be slightly nervous. The way he’s standing, and the way his dark hair hangs over his eyes, reminds me of how everything used to be when we first met. How unsure he’d appeared to be, how innocent he seemed to me.

 

With a shaky breath I step closer and pull him towards me. We more or less crash together, as our arms come up to grasp around each other, holding tight, pressing our bodies together as close as possible. I need to feel every inch of him. I’m desperate to memories as much as I can, desperate to have a clear picture of him in my head. I don’t want to forget. I realise Uruha is shaking slightly in my arms, he must be crying. I’m not though. My heart feels heavy and my throat so dry and tight that I can hardly breathe, but I’m not crying. I think I might be beyond crying. It’s just pain now, just plain pain.

 

The hug seems to be way too short. As Uruha pulls away I’m unable to speak. My mind is completely blank as I look at him standing there before me. He’s drying his tears now, brushing the hair from his eyes and grabbing his bag by the strap. I can’t seem to move as I watch him turn towards the door. The sound of his shoes hitting the hard surface seem to echo louder than I can remember them ever doing before. My breathing seems to become more laboured as he seems to get closer and closer to the car. I bite my lip hard. My hands are fiddling restlessly with a loose thread on my shirt. And as he gets further and further away from me I can feel my heart crumpling. I just know that this is it and this makes me feel worse than I can ever remember feeling. As I see him getting into the small car and closing the door, something finally seem to snap in my mind, and I manage to get my self outside the door. I even lift my hand to wave as the car pulls away. My wave might be feeble, but I wave still. I can see Uruha waving back at me through the window. Mrs. Itokawa seems to be driving deliberately slow, but inevitably the car reaches the end of my street, and soon it’s gone. Gone behind the houses, gone from my street, gone from my life.

 

Gone. 

 

 

 

 

THE END

 

 

 

A/N: Okay, so this was the last chapter… And yeah, I’m sorry it took such a long time when I know I said it wouldn’t, but I’ve just been so busy lately and there’s been sa lot of stuff going on…
I must admit that I’m not really crazy about this chapter. It didn’t really turn out that good, and it’s very cheesy and overdramatic. However, I hope you didn’t hate it xD

Anyways, I’d just like to thank everyone who’s read and everyone who’s commented on this story. Thank you so much! I’d also like to thank gazette_mor who was my beta for most of these chapters, thanks so much for helping me out!
 

 

All in all this story turned out 70 pages long with 39 840 words. It’s taken me more than a year to finish this, >_> the first chapter was posted on March 12^th. 
 

The title of this story (Under the Surface) is actually the title of a really annoying song by the Norwegian artist Marit Larsen (former member of M2M). This fic has nothing to do with the song, but I thought the title kinda fit. The song was really popular when I started writing this you see. If you wanna hear the song and see the video just go here

Sorry about the ramble...